Losing a pet is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences a person can go through.
For many of us, pets are more than just animals; they are beloved family members, constant companions, and a source of unconditional love.
The bond we share with them is often deep and meaningful, making their loss feel almost unbearable. While the grief of losing a pet is personal and unique to each individual, there are ways to cope and heal. If you're grieving the loss of a pet, know that it's okay to mourn and to feel that pain.
Your feelings are valid.
The Deep Connection We Share with Pets
Pets offer us companionship, joy, and comfort. Whether it’s the wagging tail of a dog when we come home, the soothing purr of a cat curled up beside us, or the way a rabbit nuzzles into our hands, these creatures give us so much more than what is expected from a pet. They become part of our daily lives, and their presence is felt in nearly everything we do. The loss of that presence can leave an overwhelming void.
The Unique Nature of Pet Grief
Grief from the loss of a pet is similar to grief and loss of human, and can be extremely painful.
An added complexity to grieving our pets is that often other people may not understand this grief or acknowledge it. This is what we call grief that has been disenfranchised.
Society may not always recognize the depth of the sorrow we feel. People may expect us to "move on" more quickly, assuming that the loss of a pet is not as significant as the loss of a human. This can make us feel isolated or misunderstood during a time when we need support the most.
Pet grief is also complicated by the lack of traditional mourning rituals that we might experience when we lose a human loved one. There are no funeral services or formal goodbyes, leaving many of us with unresolved emotions and questions. Additionally, the guilt of not doing enough for our pets during their final days can add layers of pain to the grief process.
Stages of Grief: It’s Not Always Linear
When we grieve the loss of a pet, we often experience a wide range of emotions. It's important to remember that grief is a process, and it can look different for everyone. Some may experience feelings of shock, denial, anger, sadness, or even guilt. The "stages of grief," as proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), may not be experienced in a specific order, and some stages may last longer than others.
Here’s a glimpse into the emotional journey you may experience:
Denial: At first, you may have a hard time accepting the reality of the loss. You might expect your pet to walk through the door, jump on your lap, or follow you around as they once did. This phase is natural as the mind tries to process the sudden absence.
Anger: You might feel angry or frustrated, even at yourself, for not being able to prevent the loss. You may be angry at the unfairness of the situation, or at the world for taking your beloved friend away from you.
Guilt: It's common to feel guilty, thinking that you could have done more for your pet. Whether it's regarding their health care or time spent together, these feelings of guilt can be a heavy burden during the grieving process.
Sadness: The absence of your pet is deeply felt, especially during moments when you would normally be interacting with them. The house may feel quieter, and activities that once brought joy might seem incomplete without them by your side.
Acceptance: Eventually, you may come to a place of acceptance, where you acknowledge that your pet’s life was meaningful, and though they are gone, their memory will stay with you forever. This doesn’t mean you won’t still feel sadness, but you may find peace in knowing they are no longer in pain.
Coping with Pet Loss
While grief doesn’t have a set timeline, there are a few things that might help ease the journey:
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve: The bond you shared with your pet was real, and the sadness you feel is valid. Don’t let anyone tell you that your grief isn’t worth grieving. It’s important to honour the relationship you had with them.
Create a Memorial: Creating a tribute to your pet can help with the healing process. You might consider planting a tree, framing a favourite picture, or keeping a collar or paw print as a keepsake. This memorial can serve as a reminder of the love and joy your pet brought into your life.
Talk About Your Pet: Sharing your feelings and memories with others can be a therapeutic way to cope. Don’t hesitate to talk about your pet and the special moments you had together. Those who understand the bond between humans and animals will validate your emotions.
Allow Yourself Time: Healing from the loss of a pet doesn’t happen overnight. It’s okay to take your time and process your feelings at your own pace.
Stick to Routines
Sometimes it's helpful to keep a routine going as you might feel the moments of your daily routine with your pet has been disorienting. No rush to get rid of the food bowls or other items unless you feel it would be helpful just to pack it away until you can sort through their items. Just as with a human, this can be a painful part of the grieving experience.
Consider Therapy or Support Groups: If the grief feels overwhelming, you may find it helpful to seek professional help. Grief counsellors or support groups specifically for pet loss can provide a safe space to talk through your emotions.
Honouring Your Pet’s Legacy
The love you shared with your pet is timeless. Their memory will live on through the special moments you shared and the love they gave. By remembering them and cherishing those memories, your pet’s legacy remains forever part of your life.
Grief is a personal journey, and it’s important to remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. Whether you mourn quietly or seek support from others, know that it’s okay to feel sorrow. And as you navigate through this challenging time, remember that your pet’s love for you will never fade, even after they’ve crossed the rainbow bridge.
Losing a pet can feel like losing a family member. The grief is real, and by acknowledging your emotions, creating a meaningful memorial, and seeking support, you can begin to navigate through this difficult time. Remember, it’s okay to grieve, and it's okay to miss the beloved pet who brought so much joy into your life.
LARK & RAVEN SUPPORT SERVICES
If you are having difficulty with high levels of emotional distress, we offer grief counselling support that is non-judgmental. Our counselling and therapeutic support is often able to cover our services. Meet our team! Kirsten, Kimberley, and Jessica all work with pet loss grief.
We also have a waitlist started for a brief counselling support group in Calgary for pet loss.
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